My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
