is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
