Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
