if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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