So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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