Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I FOUND THE LEGS
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
