hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
