Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
