I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
