we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
