so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
