There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
