Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
