if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
