You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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