did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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