oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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