we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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