i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
