On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
