Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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