he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
