I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
ok first of all what the fuck
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
