she was so not down for the gang bang
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
