I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
