Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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