do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
