JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
