whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
