my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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