Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
