so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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