They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
