went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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