Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
