she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
