so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
