Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
