We're like a lot better than the average bears
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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