PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
