ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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