He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
