she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
