He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
