I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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