Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
