Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
