Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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