She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
