We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
