i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
