Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hippo gnu deer
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
