the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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